First Came The Squirrel

A while back I posted a story about a squirrel who misbehaved in Winter Haven, Florida. It seems that in Winter Haven there are no humans capable of recognizing when it is time to shoot a squirrel and then actually doing so.

Now it seems that raccoons are taking over Olympia, Washington and they have the same problem with their human population. The raccoons in question have killed close to a dozen cats, kidnapped a dog, bit at least one human, are are credibly reported as terrorizing a neighborhood. In response the residents have had a mourning session for bereaved cat owners, begun a campaign against feeding the raccoons, begun carrying pepper spray, and hired a nuisance animal trapper. One of these people says the critters cross his deck each night between 9 and 9:30 so they know where the little fur bags are. Yet no one has taken up a .22 and ended this sad ordeal.

Our ancestors hunted woolly mammoths with spears. Maasai boys still hunt lions with them. We are supposed to be the top of the food chain here people.

Dear Olympians (I can’t believe I have to tell this to people who are called Olympians.), unless you have another cat you are hoping to get rid of, it is time to kill the raccoons. And you do not need a nuisance wildlife expert for the job.

Update: Unconfirmed reports claim that France will send a peacekeeping force to Olympia, under the auspices of the U.N., so long as city residents agree not to attempt to interdict the raccoons while they are there. Meanwhile, Russia is proposing to supply the raccoons with an alternate source of cats if they agree to only predate the local population as a last resort. The city government is said to be considering the proposal.

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